As you know, or should know...I am a single mom. Sometimes I feel like being a single mom makes me a constant sinner. I actually get that perception most often from Christians. The fact is, I have been forgiven. The choices I made in the past are not the choices I am making today. They are not the choices I want to make in the future. It is not fair that because I have a visual reminder of my sin, that I have to constantly live in the guilt of that sin.
The only reason I am bringing this up is because I am looking for ministry opportunities and this seems to be the "make it or break it" question--both for me and the church. I will be the first one to say that I believe that ministers really need to be held to a higher standard. We want them to lead their lives by example, and to be pure and full of integrity. Honestly, that is what I want for my life too, and those are the people that I want my daughter to look up to as well.
At the same time, I know a lot of people who have committed the same sin, but they didn't get pregnant, or caught, and have gone on to ministries with out having to spill their guts about a difficult time in their life. Even the people who have kept themselves pure, they are not without sin. No one is perfect, and God tells us that not one sin is worse than another. Definitely different sins have different consequences, some bigger than others, but all are worthy of sending you to hell, to be blunt about it.
What makes me worse than you? What makes me a worse candidate than someone else? I have a most wonderful child, who is a blessing and certainly is a joy to everyone she is around. She does not have a father who is present in her life and that is not my fault. I am not continuing to sin by his absence or by my choice to raise this child in a godly way.
In 1 Samuel 12, the Israelites had begged for a king. This was essentially idolatry because God told them, I am your leader and your King. They did not need one if they would only follow him wholeheartedly. However, they asked Samuel for a king, and God appointed Saul. During wheat harvest, Samuel called on God to send a magnificent storm. He did, and the people were terrified and realized how great their sin was. They begged Samuel, what can we do about this, we have sinned!
"Samuel replied. "You have done all this evil; yet do not turn away from the LORD, but serve the LORD with all your heart...For the sake of his great name the LORD will not reject his people, because the LORD was pleased to make you his own...But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you."
Do you see that? Samuel commanded them to turn back to God and serve him with all of their heart. God had not rejected them.
I have done evil, but I have repented and turned back to God. I have been called to children's ministry. Anyone who has seen me "in action" will certainly say it is so. God has not rejected me, and he is commanding me to serve faithfully with all of my heart. I have been faithful by volunteering in my local church. I am not sure how the parents in the churches I have volunteered with have approached the subject with the children, but I have been dearly loved and accepted in each church by the children and the families. What an excellent opportunity for the children to learn about forgiveness and grace first hand!
This story in 1 Samuel is a great example of God's grace, which we usually see displayed more prominently in the New Testament. Isn't grace what this is all about? Before committing my sin, I honestly had difficulty understanding and distributing grace to others. I was very much a rule-oriented person. Today, I believe that God has given me so much grace so that I can really give grace to others. I have a very unique perspective on forgiveness that affords me empathy for others who are struggling. I can really say, "Yeah, I know, I've been there." I can also identify others who are starting to slip, and have the mercy and compassion to talk with them and bring them back to Christ in love which was not done for me.
Now it is my responsibility to stand in the gap for others and say, "Please don't go there" to some and "It is safe, you can come here because you are most certainly loved" to others.
To be a full time minister is the profession that I have chosen and is also the place where I will most successfully be able to provide for my family and I would like the opportunity to do that.
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