Lessons learned from a broken foot: Part 2--Bubbles.

Bubbles...
I think it is kind of appropriate that a children's ministry blog at least at one point talks about bubbles. They are absolutely necessary to anything having to do with kids. Right?

Definitely...in more ways than one.

Let me back up. While my foot was casted I realized that the cast served as a barrier of protection so that the bone would heal without being bumped. What I didn't realize was that my nerves and skin would also be protected from the elements. After only two weeks in the cast, when it was removed and I was given the coveted boot, my skin was surprisingly smooth and healthy, compared to the calloused flip-flopped right foot. When my foot began to be strong enough to walk on temporarily, I noticed that my nerves were incredibly sensitive. When I walked on the carpet I could feel every fiber with heightened sensitivity on the bottom of my foot. Conversely, my right foot did not pick up the sensations at all. It did not seem to register all of the information it was being given. Walking outside on the cement was almost torturous. While my right foot would tramp easily on the driveway, my left foot seemed to feel every single rock and bumpy surface to the point that it was almost unbearable. Another thing that amazed me was the tile floor. While the right foot would not even notice a temperature difference, my left foot could feel the cold as if I was walking on ice.

You see, my left foot had been in a bubble, protected from the elements, and during that time it was healed and gained a sensitivity to things that would potentially harm it. Sometimes as Christians we do this. While I was at Bible College, we joked about the "Central Bubble." I noticed this my freshman year. After having been on campus for a couple of weeks and being around girls who dressed not conservatively but modestly, I went to Wal Mart and was almost in shock when I saw a woman with cleavage. It was kind of disgusting to me. Sometimes we refrain from watching certain television shows so that our minds are not corrupted. I have had to be really careful because certain shows give me nightmares, while others cause me to struggle with lustful thoughts. I have put my mind in a bubble so that it is not negatively affected by sinful concepts and ideas. Sometimes this is very healthy and necessary.

Sometimes we become so tolerant and unaware of the unholy things that we have permitted into our lives that we are not sensitive to them anymore. Sins are accepted as normal and even permitted as if they did not assault the holiness of God. Sometimes it is necessary to step inside a bubble and protect ourselves from the elements for healing and restoration.

I wonder what would have happened if I would have told my wonderful orthopedic doctor that I just want to keep the cast on forever. First of all, that would have come only out of my own insecurity, and imagining that my doctor would have actually agreed to it, here is what would have happened:

My foot would have begun to smell wretchedly. My entire body would have been disabled because of overcompensating for the work that my foot was supposed to be doing. The muscles in my leg and foot would have weakened tremendously and eventually become nothing because of their nonuse. To say the least,  more pain would have come to me because of this decision than the pricklies I felt because of a heightened sensitivity to my surroundings.

Sometimes as Christians, we like to keep the cast on. I might hurt some feelings here. Sometimes, we like to stay in that bubble. At Central, we weren't really allowed to stay in the bubble. We were encouraged to get jobs and it was mandated that we worked in a ministry a couple of hours a week. Toward the end of my college career there, students were going out and doing very courageous things. They were ministering to the homeless in Columbia, they were seeking out the many hurting people in Moberly and sacrificially giving so that they might know Christ. They were visiting people in nursing homes and sharing the love of Christ with them there. These were students who were leading these ministries. I wouldn't say the bubble at Central was popping, but I would say that the students were choosing to leave the bubble and minister and return to the bubble for more healing, learning, and growing.

Some Christians, however, like to stay in that bubble. Sometimes we like our safe little environment where non-christians (who are most definitely all rapists and child molesters, thieves or alcoholics) can not get in. If they do happen to come into our churches we shun them and make them feel so unwelcome that they wouldn't dare return. We also are leery of going into "their" territory. We build walls around ourselves so that they can not get in and we can not get out. This keeps us safe. At the same time, it makes us unhealthy. We become stinky (like my foot) and our muscles do not work as well. The entire body of Christ is disabled because it has to overcompensate for the parts that are refusing to do their share of the work. Eventually, these parts, or Christians, fail to even operate as Christians because they have become so weak by not operating their muscles.

The problem is kind of difficult. To some degree, Christians need to make a bubble around themselves and protect themselves from sinful ideas. To another degree, Christians cannot stay in that bubble and avoid doing the work of evangelism and discipleship.

In Romans, Paul writes, Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.



Evidently, the Romans were struggling with this same type of thing. Paul told them not to be like the world, but  to be renewed in their minds. Unfortunately, as the church and society has evolved, we have adapted this view that the church belongs in a building. It seems that the protective barrier for the Christian has become the walls of the church rather than the guiding and protection of the Holy Spirit. When we allow the Holy Spirit to filter our minds and activities through the Word, we are not led away from those who are without Christ, but we are led to them.

As a mom and a children's minister, I am concerned about how this affects the children of the church. It would be nice if we could bring our children to church and be assured that no matter what, they would be taken care of and safe. We do not need to put up safeguards within the church if we have the walls of the church. Unfortunately, this is not even a realistic idea. So-called Christians are just as capable of hurting the children as outsiders are. Children do need some protective barriers, but the walls of the church are not it. Security measures in the church is for another blog, another time...but please do not allow people to remain without the hope and forgiveness Christ offers in the name of an imperfect bubble that does not really protect our children anyway.

So go on, enjoy popping those bubbles! Pray about the people who are right outside of your bubble that you are not reaching today!

I'm back!

I haven't blogged in forever!

But, I'm back!

I have had a lot on my mind and heart lately, and it is kind of hard to share. To be honest, I want to know that I am not the only one in the world feeling like this.

Part of me feels like an incredible failure. At everything. Sometimes it seems like I have fallen and can not seem to dig myself out of the hole, but end up digging an even bigger hole. Part of me knows that this is a fairly common problem for 20 and 30s...and part of it is just dealing with the consequences of my previous actions...

Last week I started reading "Three Cups of Tea." I really thought it was about something completely different than it is, but strangely it was the book I needed to read. It is a strange combination of my twin brother and I, which is what I think keeps me reading it beyond the difficult parts.  Today I read this quote in it from Sir Ed Hillary, one of the first men to summit Mt. Everest. He went on to build schools and hospitals in the area and is well known around the world for his humanitarian work. This is what he said:

"I was just an enthusiastic mountaineer of modest abilities who was willing to work quite hard and had the necessary imagination and determination."

Hillary did not think he was the greatest climber, but he was willing to work hard and had imagination and determination. To me, reading this was a glimpse of hope. I KNOW I am enthusiastic, work hard, and have imagination and determination. It was so encouraging to realize that I can totally reach my dreams, eventually...
Similarly, the bigger picture of the story is of Mortenson, a character who is determined to build a school in Pakistan but is facing all sorts of difficulties. In one swift evening, he is given $20,000 (not for the school, for HIM) and he meets his wife. They marry six days later. I am a hopeless romantic and I just loved this story.

The other problem I have been having is harder to explain, and I guess I am relying on my fellow ministry-led friends to identify with me. I struggle, because sometimes I feel like it is an issue with pride. I wonder if my intentions to be in ministry is simply an issue of personal pride rather than a true desire to serve. I wonder if my goals are MY goals, or if they are GOD's goals and in tune with where he is working in the world.

Meanwhile, I sit with this enormous pain in my chest. It kind of feels like my lungs are full, but I can't exhale. I know, with every fiber in my being, that I am supposed to be doing something. Obviously I want to do children's ministry, but I am learning how vital it is that I broaden my dreams. Still, I need to find a way to exhale, to let out what God has gifted me to do.

This week someone suggested that I am still young and fully capable of switching career paths, it is not too late...I understand the sentiment, but I don't. It was almost like getting splashed with cold water because it was so shocking to me. I KNOW that I am CALLED to be a minister. Not just because I feel like it, but also because I have been told by some of the most godly people I know that this is what I am supposed to do. I can't imagine doing anything else, and I am discontent in my job because I am not doing it. Today I realized that it has been NINE years since my "calling."

Truly, I knew my life's goals when I was five. However, that was really secured on a trip to Kenya. While I was there I knew that I couldn't devote my life to anything other than telling other people about the love of Jesus. That trip was nine years ago. Even though I have wavered now and then with short lived dreams to pursue other careers, I never pulled through on any of them because in my heart I was never as determined to fulfill them because they were not "me."

I am also really struggling with the fact that people are dying without knowing Jesus. That is final...and it is my job to tell people so they don't miss out on eternity with Love.

I realize that I probably have not even communicated the depth of my pain. I am thankful for this because I know that if it didn't exist I wouldn't pursue ministry. I'm mostly curious, if you are in ministry or want to be in ministry, do you have this burning desire for it, or am I mostly crazy??